Last night’s excessive dosage of V.I.P. margaritas have still not worn off yet, so we’ll post something simple and created by someone other than myself.

Your Birthdate: May 30

You have the type of personality that people either love or hate. You’re opinionated, dramatic, intense, and very outspoken. And some people can’t get enough of you - they’re totally addicted. Others, well, they wish you were a little more reserved. Your strength: Your flair Your weakness: If you think it, you say it Your power color: Scarlet red Your power symbol: Inverted triangle Your power month: March

1. How tall are you barefoot?
5′5″ although apparently I have either been measured wrong my whole life or shrunk half an inch at my last physical
2. Have you ever smoked heroin?
Ew, no. If you have ever read Junky or Naked Lunch by Bill Boroughs, you’d cut off your hand before doing heroin
3. Do you own a gun?
nope, I won’t stay in any domicile that contains a firearm
4. Who’s your best friend?
they know who they are.
5. Do you get nervous before “meeting the parents”?
Parents never like me, I’m always too old, too young, too Jewish, too something, so I’ve become quite comfortable with meeting them and knowing I’ll probably be automatically be disliked for some reason or other
6. What do you think of hot dogs?
I love turkey dogs. I know that hideous things lurk inside that pretty pink casing, but I just can’t help myself.
7. What’s your favorite Christmas song?
Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Herbal tea or water, sometimes pomegranate juice if I’m feeling particularly wild and crazy
9. Can you do push ups?
yeah, but only like, two and they’re lame when I do them
10. Ask a question:
“How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?”
11. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry?
I stopped wearing most jewelry when I started working in daycare. I have a glass pendant my parents got me in Murano that I’m fond of
12. Do you like painkillers?
I have a bad back…pain killers are sometimes just a must
13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
If I had some secret weapon, don’t you think I’d be in a relationship by now?
14. Do you own a knife?
to eat and spread stuff to eat.
15. Do you have A.D.D.?
My mother has told me on several occasions that I have two speeds, slow and stop. I agree with her, and sometimes my slow speed even lags.
16. Middle Name?
Michelle
17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
1. i need to stop chewing this gum.
2. my nose is itchy.
3. why does the hallway smell like bleach and garlic?
18. Name the last 3 things you have bought:
Febreze, paper towels, shampoo
19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink:
water, herbal tea, coffee.
20. What time did you wake up today?
6:50 ish a.m.
21. Current excitement?
Cabana Boy arrives in less than 48 hours
22. Current worry?
The cat will take a mega shit right before aforementioned Cabana Boy and I enter my apartment, thereby giving a really foul olfactory association.
23. Current hate?
stagnating in my diet for some unknown reason (most likely from quitting smoking).
24. Favorite place to be?
usually anywhere but where I am at any given time
25. Least favorite place to be?
definitely the E.R.
26. Where would you like to go?
randomly point anywhere on a globe outside of the continental United States.
27. Do you own slippers?
slippers are for pussies.
28. What shirt are you wearing?
teal V-neck t-shirt.
29. Do you burn or tan?
On purpose?
30. Favorite color(s)?
green and purple. More specifically and according to Sherwin Williams I like “Ionian” green and “Queenly” purple
31. Would you be a pirate?
Yarrr!!!!.
32. Last time you had an alcoholic drink?
um, I think sometime in February.
33. What songs do you sing in the shower?
I’ve honestly never sung in the shower. My brother used to sing Phantom of the Opera in the shower…that was always pretty entertaining
34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
For a while I was afraid of Jaws coming out of the toilet and/or shower drain and eating me and after reading Pet Sematary (I was 10) I checked my closet every night for a homicidal zombie toddler until I left for college
35. What’s in your pockets right now?
nothing actually
36. Last thing that made you laugh?
definitely this morning’s description of fire drills at Ghent University.
37. Best bed sheets you had as a child?
The Garfield sheets I got from my Aunt Karen.
38. Worst injury you’ve ever had?
injury? hrm, I haven’t had any severe injuries to my recollection. I sprained my ankle very badly playing soccer in high school, but most of my other major ouchies were from surgeries or illnesses
40. How many TVs do you have in your house?
just one.
41. Who is your loudest friend?
probably my brother.
42. Who is your most silent friend?
you ask these questions like I have an abundance of friends to choose from…
43. Does someone have a crush on you?
heh heh heh
44. Do you wish on shooting stars?
i think i tried it once after seeing Pinnochio when I was little
45. What is your favorite book?
Neverworld, Parable of the Sower, King Bidgood’s in the Bathtub (amazing illustrations)
46. What is your favorite candy?
semi-sweet chocolate chips.
47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding?
I won’t even take this one seriously.
48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
If I should Fall from Grace with God, by The Pogues.
49. What were you doing 12 AM last night?
sleeping.
50. What was the First thing you thought of when you woke up?
oh crap, what time is it….dammit…too early…..

I was tempted to be sort of lazy this evening, considering the migraine that’s been drilling its way down into my teeth since about 11:00 this morning. I was totally prepared to come home, eat my sad little frozen dinner, gag on it while watching CSI (tonight’s rerun was about a cheerleader eating her cheerleader captain while high on PCP…bad night to pick chicken for supper), check up on all my e-mail and do my other assorted geeky computer tasks, and go to bed early. This week is becoming excruciatingly long, between counting down to my final day at CHCC, facing the inevitable and still highly unpleasant task of thoroughly cleaning my apartment, and awaiting the imminent arrival of the infamous Cabana Boy. Every day is grinding along slower and slower and it’s taking a lot of self control to not openly glare at the parents who come to pick up their children two minutes before the school closes. It’s also a daily struggle to refrain from slapping certain people who seem bent on making my final days at CHCC the most frustrating I’ve ever had. For example, here is a conversation I had with one of the teachers from the preschool (keep in mind she is hard of hearing and has a heavy accent so communication is extra fun with her) this very evening while clocking out for the day.
Teacher(her decibel level was way too high for the two feet of space between us): Korie! Korie, did you collect your notebook materials?
Moi: Huh? You mean my conference binder?
Teacher: Yes. The purple one you had outside.
Moi: Aw, no, I guess I left it out there when you told us it was time to leave the yard.
Teacher: Oh yes, yes. It’s still there.
Moi: Ah….you left it outside then?
Teacher: Oh yes, yes. Oh you can’t go out that way (as I attempted to cut through the foyer to the other side of the building) I locked it.
Moi: ‘Kay, thanks T**** (insert mumbled slurry of curse words and hissing here as I storm around the perimeter of the entire building to collect my binder and then stomp back around again to my car)

So on the way home, my mind was entirely focused on answering the all important question-should I have chicken or spaghetti for dinner? And just as I had opted for the chicken (poor decision in retrospect) I looked up and saw the most unbelievable set of boobies that I have ever seen in my life. I mean, I almost wrecked the car gawking at the knockers that were bouncing down the street towards me. Keep in mind, I own a pretty big set of hooters myself, so your average oversize bust does not phase me whatsoever, but Holy Brimming Brazier Batman, these things weren’t even human. I mean, I guess they had to be human, cause no one in their right mind would have something like this done to them surgically. Well, or she better be filing one hellahuge malpractice suit if she got these monsters from a licenced professional.

An aside/background information so you understand that I am not a novice in the field of big boobies. I skipped the happy, average C-cup when I was about 16. Went straight from B to D and the suckers kept on growing. I went to get them reduced last November and they told me I was definitely a candidate, but that I should be at the weight I wanted to be at and I had to quit smoking. Obviously all talk of surgery ended until just recently (coming up on one whole month cigarette free), but that’s a whole different story. Point is, it takes a whole lot of boobage to make me veer off the road.

These things, not only were these things absolutely gigantic, like triple E-normous, but they were totally out of proportion. The right one was definitely hanging almost a foot lower than the left. I just couldn’t tear my eyes away, at least till I came really close to side swiping a parked car, and even then, while I was stopped at the red light, I found myself squinting into my side view, just to catch another morbid glance.

I finally got back to my apartment, only to see that my own bras (ordered online, cause most places don’t carry my size….the woman I saw today must get hers custom made) have not arrived yet, leaving me somewhat short on hooter support. And since my main goals this evening were to check for bras and document the phenomenon I witnessed earlier I can retire from the computer, and do what I should’ve done when I started this blog almost an hour ago (got wrapped up in Venom ER on Animal Planet… ooh and now they’re neutering a boar on Animal Cops) and go and nurse this migraine with some darkness and stimuli deprivation.

Don’t piss off your local Starbucks barista, or your iced caramel macchiato will be crap. This can be avoided by not going to Starbucks ten minutes before they close. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve worked in several blue collar, low level, generally poopy jobs and I know how it feels to not have a customer in over an hour and to be just finishing your closing duties, glancing nervously at the door every other minute, praying that no one will come in and demand a service that will keep you any longer than you have to be. Really, I often go out of my way to not be that douchebag (my new favorite insult) that throws the wrench in the life of a night shift worker, but tonight, I had my heart set on getting a coffee and I thought the Starbucks I went to closed at 11:00. So I walked in at 9:50, confident and excited at the prospect of caffeinated caramelly goodness. When I sipped my coffee I knew right away something was wrong. See, the best part of the iced caramel macchiato is the caramel at the bottom. Basically if you position your straw right you can just suck up big old chunks of caramel and cold milk and this, as we all know, is orgasmic, to say the least. But not tonight. The barista had carelessly squirted my caramel on top so it virtually disappeared in a sea of bitter espresso. Grimacing, I glanced at the hours of business posted on the door, and to my chagrin, I saw that this particular Starbucks closes at 10:00 during the week.

Dude. I was a douchebag.

And the worst part is, as I was pulling out of the parking lot, some woman was
just getting out of her car and going into Starbucks.

Double douchebag.

I‘ve also decided to prepare my lunch the night before rather than rushing to do it in the morning. I avoided this for quite sometime so as to avoid that nasty mush you get when the mustard sits on the bread for too long in a sandwich. Tonight I realized I always put the mustard between two pieces of meat, so it never touches the bread anyway.

Blink blink.
Tilt head.
Insert “duh” here.
Proceed with making lunch ahead of time.

I was so jazzed about this “make your food ahead of time” concept that I decided, “why not prep breakfast too?” So I did. I chopped my mushrooms and put them in a little container and then went so far as to separate my eggs too. Egg-white omelettes are the best breakfast EVER, and I get juvenile delight from separating the yolk with my hands. Plus, you have to love the word albumen. Say it with me now: albumen.

Newest emission: I should not be allowed to blog late at night unless I have a clear intent or fantastic revelation regarding a particular topic. Or else you will end up reading spurts of consciousness (it’s not even a stream really) that, in retrospect, aren’t really that notable. They just make me look like a douchebag.

in reverse. That is something akin to what I saw tonight, from the outside looking in.

Have you ever gotten a little splinter of a thought caught in your brain? The kind of thought where you continuously wonder “will I ever be this way? cause if I can be this way just a little bit, I’ll be that much closer to being the person I want to be.” I have that thought all the time. Every day I add to the checklist in my head of things I can do, ways I can think, perspectives I can take to become a more whole person. The thing that accompanies this desire to better myself is a random set of images I sometimes get of the person I want to be. I had this really awesome moment of zen somewhere around 1:30 A.M. while I was making some more bean salad for the week; a moment where I could step outside of myself and look down at the scene in my apartment: just a young woman chopping some sage and garlic, preparing a simple recipe, listening to some quiet music (David Gray…thanks for the recomendation, Cabana Boy), and think, “there! that’s who I want to be.” Not always rushing around, depending on freezer dinners, only half joking about my inability to cook. I want to be someone who can go to the market and pick fresh food and bring it home and make something good, from memory, with my own hands.
So I realize bean salad is really not that big of a deal. But it caught my attention. For once I could see myself headed in the right direction in the simple act of cooking. It made me really happy to see that time and experience are kicking in, not just bouncing off and sticking to the faded canvas of what I used to be.

I even got all artsy and took a picture of a random sage leaf that fell into a cup of tea in my sink. It was a very Bohemian night.