I was tempted to be sort of lazy this evening, considering the migraine that’s been drilling its way down into my teeth since about 11:00 this morning. I was totally prepared to come home, eat my sad little frozen dinner, gag on it while watching CSI (tonight’s rerun was about a cheerleader eating her cheerleader captain while high on PCP…bad night to pick chicken for supper), check up on all my e-mail and do my other assorted geeky computer tasks, and go to bed early. This week is becoming excruciatingly long, between counting down to my final day at CHCC, facing the inevitable and still highly unpleasant task of thoroughly cleaning my apartment, and awaiting the imminent arrival of the infamous Cabana Boy. Every day is grinding along slower and slower and it’s taking a lot of self control to not openly glare at the parents who come to pick up their children two minutes before the school closes. It’s also a daily struggle to refrain from slapping certain people who seem bent on making my final days at CHCC the most frustrating I’ve ever had. For example, here is a conversation I had with one of the teachers from the preschool (keep in mind she is hard of hearing and has a heavy accent so communication is extra fun with her) this very evening while clocking out for the day.
Teacher(her decibel level was way too high for the two feet of space between us): Korie! Korie, did you collect your notebook materials?
Moi: Huh? You mean my conference binder?
Teacher: Yes. The purple one you had outside.
Moi: Aw, no, I guess I left it out there when you told us it was time to leave the yard.
Teacher: Oh yes, yes. It’s still there.
Moi: Ah….you left it outside then?
Teacher: Oh yes, yes. Oh you can’t go out that way (as I attempted to cut through the foyer to the other side of the building) I locked it.
Moi: ‘Kay, thanks T**** (insert mumbled slurry of curse words and hissing here as I storm around the perimeter of the entire building to collect my binder and then stomp back around again to my car)

So on the way home, my mind was entirely focused on answering the all important question-should I have chicken or spaghetti for dinner? And just as I had opted for the chicken (poor decision in retrospect) I looked up and saw the most unbelievable set of boobies that I have ever seen in my life. I mean, I almost wrecked the car gawking at the knockers that were bouncing down the street towards me. Keep in mind, I own a pretty big set of hooters myself, so your average oversize bust does not phase me whatsoever, but Holy Brimming Brazier Batman, these things weren’t even human. I mean, I guess they had to be human, cause no one in their right mind would have something like this done to them surgically. Well, or she better be filing one hellahuge malpractice suit if she got these monsters from a licenced professional.

An aside/background information so you understand that I am not a novice in the field of big boobies. I skipped the happy, average C-cup when I was about 16. Went straight from B to D and the suckers kept on growing. I went to get them reduced last November and they told me I was definitely a candidate, but that I should be at the weight I wanted to be at and I had to quit smoking. Obviously all talk of surgery ended until just recently (coming up on one whole month cigarette free), but that’s a whole different story. Point is, it takes a whole lot of boobage to make me veer off the road.

These things, not only were these things absolutely gigantic, like triple E-normous, but they were totally out of proportion. The right one was definitely hanging almost a foot lower than the left. I just couldn’t tear my eyes away, at least till I came really close to side swiping a parked car, and even then, while I was stopped at the red light, I found myself squinting into my side view, just to catch another morbid glance.

I finally got back to my apartment, only to see that my own bras (ordered online, cause most places don’t carry my size….the woman I saw today must get hers custom made) have not arrived yet, leaving me somewhat short on hooter support. And since my main goals this evening were to check for bras and document the phenomenon I witnessed earlier I can retire from the computer, and do what I should’ve done when I started this blog almost an hour ago (got wrapped up in Venom ER on Animal Planet… ooh and now they’re neutering a boar on Animal Cops) and go and nurse this migraine with some darkness and stimuli deprivation.