1. Any food dropped on the floor has a magnetic pull on 3 year old feet and will be crushed down until it takes on a sawdust-like consistency. While it may or may not be a conscious act, it is most definitely an inevitability.

2. Whining is the favored form of communication. Be it an angry objection to clean up time or askance to touch someones nipple, it will be done in a high pitched, nasal assault of long, drawn out vowels and excessive snivelling.

3. A popular school of 3 year old thought: “If I scream as loud as I can while simultaneously leaking snot from my nose and drool from my lip, you will do exactly what I want when I want, even if I can’t quite decide what I want or when I want it.”

4. A full grown bull elephant in heat on steroids with rabies is perhaps the only creature as dangerous as a 3 year old who’s toys/personal space is encroached upon by someone other than their mother (and maternity is not always a guarantee of safety).

5. In order to “hold” bodily functions, a 3 year old must jam a hand in “slot #1″ or “slot #2″ (or both), shoving his/her hand so far into the orifice as to result in a stain equal to, or more ground in than would have occurred had the child not bothered holding it in the first place.

6. Most importantly; all of the above rules are rendered ineffective and meaningless each time a 3 year old’s face lights up with happiness when they see that you are there to spend time with them.