Lilac Colored Glasses

It’s still raining. That means we did not go out for coffee. This was how Cabana Boy solved our problem:

CB, flipping out (weak pun, I know, but my tummy is full of pancake)

How to make a “Pancake Royale”

Apple Pancake

Berry Pancake

So, when I don’t make my goal of losing ten pounds this month, we can all blame CB and his Shrove Tuesday-type shenanigans.

Today was hideously, horribly dreary both inside and out of my head. I woke up with CB, earlier than yesterday but later than usual. We dozed for a while and then suddenly I remembered the dream I’d had during the night.
In my dream I was in a classroom at CHCC (albeit a classroom that doesn’t actually exist in the CHCC, but you know how dreams are) and I was setting up for lunch when I opened the closet and there was a huge tray of baked goods. And in the dream I proceeded to scarf down every cookie, brownie and blondie on the tray. Well, then I started feeling guilty over splurging on sweets that I never actually ate and that’s about when I lost it. I started crying and told CB about the dream and as I was telling him about it I blurted out that I’m getting very frustrated with not working and not having my cat or my family or anything at all familiar to me. A few nights ago I had a dream where I was just chain smoking cigarette after cigarette and oh, in the dream it was the most satisfying thing EVER. Until I woke up convinced that I’d spent the night smoking a pack of cigarettes. And just like the cookie dream, I felt terribly guilty for something I hadn’t even done.
Apparently things are not all happy daisies and smiling puppies in my head. My subconscious is desperately trying to let me indulge in all my former comfort activities via the dreamworld, but I feel horrible when I wake up. I feel exactly how I would if I had chain smoked a pack of cigaretes or eaten a whole tray of bake sale items. I feel lousy.
I spent a good part of the day crying. I wanted to go to the city, drop off the library books about Scotland, do some window shopping, get bok-choy for CB to make soup, ride the bike to the GB and get some fresh air and excercise. But it rained all day. Every time I lifted my eyes and looked out the window all I could see were angry grey clouds scudding across a sullen ashy sky.
And I cried
And cried.

CB decided to work at home today and was next to me the whole time, offering any kind of help he could, but really, what could he do? Yeah, exactly. Eventually I e-mailed my dad (who, I might add, is wonderful at immediate responsiveness) and minutes later he signed on to MSN Messenger and talked to me for a while. Just talking to him for a while seemed to help (after even more crying and hugs from CB) and eventually CB and I decided to go to the Kringloopwinkel to look for a makeshift computer table so that we can have a bit more space when we’re both at the computers, but we didn’t find anything. We went to the bakery so CB could get a cupcake (these are not your mom’s Betty Crocker cupcakes, people; they are glazed fruit tarts and marzipan covered confections and fresh eclairs and chocolate filled croissants and yum…just yum) but it was closed and then it started raining again. We came back here and I made dinner.

I was hoping we might go to the city tonight for a coffee. CB says the rain should stop soon (according to the radar) so maybe one thing will go right today.