Lilac Colored Glasses

I hate being on the pill. Hate, hate, HATE being on the pill. I was on the pill once before, about oh, 6 years ago and then I was single again and stopped using it and discovered the joy of my normal cycle, which is about every 35 days and results in a 4 day period with only one heavy day. It’s perfect for someone who is not trying to conceive and is really not into buying pads and tampons frequently. I spent some time on the Nuvaring about two years ago and that wasn’t bad either aside from the uterus wrenching cramps that occurred for the first two days the ring was out, but I like my 35 day cycle. It usually means I skip February and some other month throughout the year so I went back to being birth controlless. Soon after CB and I got together though, we decided that birth control would be a good idea (at the time I was planning on staying in Pittsburgh and finishing my masters before moving to Gent and we figured transatlantic love children might be a bad idea) and considering my PCOS, I was told the pill would be the best option as it would help regulate my imbalanced hormones a bit.

So I went to my obgyn and she prescribed Yaz which is a lower dosage birth control pill that is supposed to give you a lighter, shorter period…y’know kind of like the one I have naturally but I’d have to give up the 35 day thing. I went on it and two things happened; around week three of the pills I noticed that I actually had PMS (I rarely have that when I’m not on birth control, the worst case then is crying at commercials) and throughout the month I was plagued with spotting, break through bleeding and late periods. Pretty much I had one long, irregular, occasional period for three months until I finally called the doctor and told them I thought it was time to consider a switch. This was about a month before I left the country and the doctor prescribed Yasmin, which is the same hormone combination, just a higher dose. Since then I have noticed that the PMS has gotten worse. A lot worse. Last week when I was depressed and crying every day and generally feeling like I needed to be excised from my own skin? You got it, that was week 3 of the pill. Last month I was happy to see that my period started on time, when it should (although it lasted for 5 or 6 days, meh), but this month, despite the punctuality of my period I’m not happy to find that yesterday and more so today I’m feeling exhausted, dizzy, light headed and headachey. I’ve also bled through two tampons in three hours. I’m considering switching over to a diva cup because it’s supposed to be cleaner, more comfortable and better for womanly health, plus I can’t even imagine the trees I’m killing and septic tanks I’m clogging with my new super period and the resulting use of pads/tampons.

So now I’m really starting to debate this choice and I think it’s something that CB and I might have to discuss. I don’t like how I’ve felt physically the past two days and I really don’t like how I felt emotionally last week. I was miserable and I could tell my mood swings and crying jags were really upsetting CB but I couldn’t seem to stop it. I was actually debating going back on medication by Thursday and then magically over the weekend the clouds lifted and I felt better. Well, I’m sorry but if the pill is going to make me schizophrenic once a month I can’t have that. Nor can I have this feeling of total drained out exhaustion that I have today. Plus I just spent all yesterday catching up on all the laundry and now I have to wash several victims of the biblical flood that is my period today.

Contrarywise (sorry, been reading Alice in Wonderland again), I have noticed a tiny bit of improvement with the hirsutism caused by the PCOS and also we’re still in the position where babies are not a good idea right now. Plus we just bought 3 more months of the pill. I really don’t know what to do here. Any opinions?