Okay, that’s a lie. I had a blog on Xanga about 4 or 5 years ago but an ex boyfriend found it and saw his name in it and spazzed out, calling me a stalker (ahem, I blog about how I hope he finds some help for his temper some day, he finds it, reads it and then accuses me of the stalking) and using some rather abusive language towards me over AIM. I promptly quit blogging and remained silent about my internal goings on for the next several years.
However, after Myspace became the popular form of staying in touch with old college friends I got myself an account and noticed that I could have a blog and that it could be private, so scary exes could never hunt me down and accuse me of stalking. For a while CB, a cool and non scary ex and an old roommate from freshman year were the only ones reading and CB usually bullied me into keeping up my writing by complaining that he had nothing to read. Eventually posting became an every day thing and I started Lilac Colored Glasses at the old blogspot address. So, in the spirit of Flashback Friday and also because I’m up to my eyeballs in Dutch homework I went and retrieved my first ever blog post (that still exists…I tried finding the Xanga one but it has been wiped from the web for all eternity).
I’ll explain some bits as we go.
Saturday, October 14, 2006
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my cat and other stuff the title
Current mood:  contemplative my mood at the time
So Rex keeps staring at the wall and meowing. I have no idea what is so interesting, as my walls are not decorated. I wish I was a more playful pet owner, cause he’s still young and wants to play all the time, but I’m happiest when he just sits on my lap.
Having a discussion with a friend CB about relationships right now. The topic depresses the hell out of me, but maybe I’ll address it one more time, since my mind is there. It has been a long time since I’ve been in a relationship. And admittedly, part of that is self imposed. Sort of a purposefully inflicted purgatory meant to clarify my goals in life. I spent so much time living my life to please other people, men included, that after my little breakdown I decided to eliminate as many distractions as possible until I was able to choose and achieve a goal in life that was not “get a boyfriend”.
Well, it took a bit of wandering to even decide on a goal and that has become teaching. And it has taken even longer to motivate myself to get back into school to achieve said goal. In that time I haven’t gone out much or met many people, but when I have met men either I’m not interested or they’re not interested in me. The only acception is the aforementioned putz from my other posts a guy I had a crush on when I worked at the track, and that is going nowhere.
I guess since I can’t imagine anyone else sharing my life right now (or sharing anyone else’s life) that probably means I haven’t met the right person little did I know that indeed I had(that’s a no brainer…if I had met him, I wouldn’t be writing this or spending so much time on my computer). I’m okay with the solitude most of the time, but sometimes it sucks, coming home to an empty apartment, never having plans, etc. I think I’m sort of at the point where, when I do get into a relationship, I’m going to be looking to settle down. So that also means I’ll almost definitely have to find an older guy. Guys my age (at least in this part of the world) are still content to comb the club scene for hot co-eds and barely legal conquests.
Like anything else in my life, when something bothers me I avoid facing it or contemplating it much. So at this point, I’m going to end this analysis of my non existant love life in favor of playing on the computer. I have to enjoy it since tomorrow is Best Buy Day…..sigh my Norton Anti-virus nuuked my computer and I had to take it to Best Buy to get it fixed.
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