Hi there people! Sorry for the sadness yesterday. I originally had intended to give a tiny bit of backstory regarding Scylla and Brutus and then move straight on to Rex, but the tale ended up unfolding a bit more than I had expected. I even cut some out (although my mum pretty much summed up the edited part in her comment…thanks Mum, want a guest spot once a month?) but it still ran fairly long so I decided to make it a two part post.

But enough about cuddly bundles of fur for now. Who wants to hear my latest biking shenanigans? Don’t all raise your hands at once now. Heh, I know it’s been a while since I made any complaints regarding the object of my irrational fear and hatred. I bet you thought that the lack of ranting and sarcastic parantheticals meant that I was adjusting well the bike riding and you were almost, almost right.

I made sure to ride the bike at least once a day to do grocery shopping two weeks ago and I took it to class every day but one this week (it was pouring rain and my bus pass was still valid). I rode it to class Monday and all went wonderfully. I do tend to get pretty tired towards the end of the ride but I spent the whole week learning how to pace myself a bit better so I’m sure the tiredness will go away with time. I showered Monday evening and when I was drying off in the direct vicinity of my nether regions (yes, not only is this post about biking, it’s also about my whoowhoo so if you’re someone like, oh, my father reading this, now might be a good time to close the browser and walk away) I realized that I had a sore spot on the inner edge of my bits (left side, to be precise). Hrm…okay well getting a little scratch there isn’t uncommon, so I informed CB that we ought to use some caution as I seemed to have a boo boo on my bits.

Tuesday came and went; I took the bus and felt mild discomfort when I walked but that was about it. Then Wednesday I cumbersomely mounted the bike (getting off I’ve managed to grasp but getting on is still pretty ugly) and as soon as I settled my weight on the seat - ouch! The whole ride to class I was achingly aware that the friction of my weight on the seat and my left leg pedaling was EXACTLY where the pain was. Thursday it was just as bad so I came home and googled “blisters, bits(I used the scientific word here), biking” and sure enough, there was a whole thread on a women’s health forum describing several instances in which women who began biking regularly after long periods of not biking at all had instances of developing sores, bumps or blisters on the “majora” section of their bits.

The solutions were as follows (my inner dialogue is in italics):

a. Get special biking shorts with extra padding on the inner thigh part and wear them sans panties when you ride your bike. Heeeelll no! You sick bitch! This is not Amsterdam and I will keep my panties on outside of my home ahthankyou.

b. Get a special gelpadded seat. For to better cushion my fat ass and get some of the pressure off of my femenine parts…a definite option once I get a bike of my own but not right now as I’m borrowing a bike from CB’s parents.

c. Toughen up and hope that my bits get weatherbeaten enough to handle the friction of said fat ass on said bike seat. This is looking like the most realistic option at the moment…my bits will need to develop a thicker skin…imagine the barnacle encrusted hull of a worn, steadfast whaling ship. Now put it between my legs (well, except my Dad who hopefully walked away from this when I told him to).

I’d ask you all for any advice you might have to offer, but I’m sure most of you are just praying for the end of this post. I guess I can end your misery for now.