Lilac Colored Glasses

The rain has been ceaselessly falling all day. I took the bus to class the past two days and Monday as well. For some reason I just don’t feel like riding the bike to class in the mornings. Everything feels grey and dull lately: the weather, my class, the food we’re eating, just…everything. I find myself getting nauseous often throughout the day and I assume it’s probably from how poorly I’ve been eating this week.

My birth control? Took it with a swig of warm Coca Cola this morning.

Breakfast? One of these, cause I find it difficult to get out of bed earlier than 8 o’clock in the mornings lately.

I’m not quite sure what’s going on lately, other than I feel like I’m wading through a miasma of absolute indifference. I feel like I’m a citizen of Camazotz. I tried to find things to do today that didn’t involve eating (I’ve been doing a lot of that lately both out of boredom and a need for comfort…old habits die hard), but I still got back home fairly early, around 2 in the afternoon. As I climbed the stairs to the top floor I found myself wishing that it was acceptable to just go to bed. I’m trying not to give into my desire to sleep though. I’ve already done that twice this week and it might be part of why I can’t get up easily in the mornings. I really wish I knew what is causing this dreary spell of detachment. Until I figure it out or I snap out of it I suppose I’ll continue plodding along the course of things.

And to anyone concerned by my last post, no I did not actually smoke. One of the few things I’m actually very disciplined about is not smoking. I will bite my nails or eat poorly now and then but I haven’t smoked a cigarette since August of last year and I plan on keeping it that way. Thanks for the concern though.