Lilac Colored Glasses

Let’s be real for a second here.

I know that I often discuss employment and my masters degree, but let’s really look at why I am where I am today.

I moved to Belgium for one reason: Cabana Boy.

This post is for him.

CB,

One thing that there is an abundance of in our relationship is the words “I love you.”  I hope that never ever changes. Before I met you I held my feelings in and felt like effusive “I love you’s” were wasted.  I had been hurt too many times and I had been lonely for so long that any sort of excess emotion, in my opinion, was uncalled for. And then suddenly, at some point in our relationship, I desperately began to hop that you loved me because I was pretty sure that I was falling in love with you.

I could barely stand hanging up the line when we would skype as you fell asleep at night.  Saying good night to the empty air felt like a slap in the face because what I wanted and needed was a kiss on the cheek. I remember the first time we said “I love you” and how those were the only words that seemed to come out of my mouth when I opened my lips to speak.  I could barely form a sentence without telling you and reminding myself that I was so in love with you.

What we have is so improbable on so many levels.  The distance, the cultures, the language, the personal differences…I could go on and on about all of the reasons that we shouldn’t work.

But we do.

We work so beautifully that I’m in awe. I’m amazed sometimes by you and your capacity for patience and understanding; your devotion and the overwhelming and all encompassing love you show me every day.

I’m not an easy woman to be with.  I know that well enough.  I can be spoiled, stubborn, moody and emotional. I have eyes that can kill a person…you’re not the first person to tell me how awful my eyes are when I’m angry.  I’m intense in a way that very few men have been able or willing to deal with but you take it all in stride and in the end you do what you always have done: you make me the best version of myself.

I was searching and searching for that person that I used to be, the one who got lost somewhere on my journey through life.  But in the end, you brought that person back to me.

You make me whole.  You are a compassionate, intelligent, patient, strong man and I love you more than any spoken language can say.  Every struggle, every tear, every trial that I’ve faced this past year has been for you and you have been and always will be worth every second of it.

I just thought you might want to know, because I’ve been quite overdue in telling you.

Ik zie je graag.  Je zal altijd mijn prins zijn.

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