Lilac Colored Glasses

Music.

Music has always been one of the strongest memory triggers for me. The Little Nash Rambler makes me think of my late aunt Ronnie, sitting in her car while she sang to me in an Elmer Fudd voice to make a pint sized me giggle.

How You Remind Me by Nickelback takes me back to a gravel parking lot after dark my junior year of college where my roommate Peep and I sat, belting the song in my green Pontiac, both of us trying to plug up the void of a broken heart.

Lemon Parade by Tonic puts me in my car at the age of sixteen, driving home from a night working at Long John Silvers, after my second “real” kiss with a guy.

So music seemed the obvious path to choose this weekend when a surprise visit to my blog by an ex inspired me to do a short series discussing my exes and what I learned from those relationships.
But after I made that decision, something strange happened. Or perhaps it is always happening, I just rarely notice it anymore.
Every time I started formulating a post in my head, I would look at CB, or he would say something to me and I was overcome by how very much I am in love with him. I was actually choked up a few times, the feeling of utter completeness was so strong. I don’t think I’ve ever looked into the eyes of a man so confident in his love for mz, so happy when I’m happy…until now. I rarely, if ever, think much about my exes since I met CB and while I do maintain that I learned something from every relationship I’ve had, it all seems to pale in comparison with the feeling of “right” I have with CB.

However, that doesn’t diminish the men from my past or what they’ve taught me. I even occasionally exchange an e-mail with a couple of them. But rather than go into a detailed analysis of each (I lose the desire to do that pretty much any time I’m with CB), I’m going to put up the song that reminds me the most of each one, along with a thank you. Because without lessons learned from the past, we as people wouldn’t be able to build better futures.

Pie Jesu

Bub – Thank you for teaching me that there are people out there who can love me unconditionally.

Miss America

Asshat – Thank you for teaching me not to lie to myself about my emotions just to make asshats people happy.

It Ain’t Me Babe

M. – Thank you for teaching me how to be more independent in a relationship.

My Immortal

Chinchilla – Thanks for teaching me that chemistry, while important, is not the basis for a good relationship.

Long December

Cabana Boy – Thank you for all the lessons you’ve taught me and for all the lessons yet to come in our life together. Thank you for making me believe in the impossible. Thank you for loving me.

Related posts:

1. Naive
2. The Post Where I Went to Point Out The Wit of New York Jews and Ended up Giving You a Summary of my Jewish Identity Instead
3. In Lieu of Idioms
4. Like a Cup of Coffee in a Roadside Diner at The End of The Night: Dark and Bitter
5. Before the New Year
6. Been Hearing Too Many "I WIsh"es Lately, So Here:
7. Memories From the Hill
8. I know it was rhetorical, but still….