Around this time last year Megan from Velveteen Mind created a little something called GoBloMeMoFo in response to November’s NaBloPoMo, a challenge for bloggers to blog every day in the month of November.  That might not sound hard but I did it last year and believe me, it sucks the sanity and every last ounce of creativity right out of your brain.  Hence that lovely little badge in my sidebar from Heather saying “NeenerNeenerHaHa, I am NOT blogging every day in November”. Anyway, the tagline for GoBloMeMoFo was “save the bunny, save the blog” and as I was new to the blogging social network thing, I, in all my enthusiasm, wrote up a guest post for Megan’s blog.  Unfortunately, so many bloggers wanted to save the bunny that my post wasn’t ever posted.  I have corresponded with Megan about the post, however, and thankfully, she has kept it this whole year and was kind enough to send it back to me this evening.  So here it is, folks; my attempt at saving the bunny:

These last two posts have sparked a bit of contemplation here in the overgrown labyrinth of my brain, the part that takes any time at all to examine spirituality.  I read a lot of blogs and of the ones that talk about the spirituality or religion of the blogger, none come close to what I have built for myself as far as spiritual framework goes.  There have been many times that I’ve read a blog entry that is pro-Christian or anti-atheism and I have longed to comment.  I’m not sure why I never have; or perhaps that’s really a lie.  I do know why I hesitate to comment on posts regarding spirituality or opinions formed from the morals of a particular religion.  First of all, I am afraid of offending the blogger.  Everyone has a right to their own beliefs, especially in their own blogging universe, so who am I to risk raising ire over a controversial topic? Also, to be totally honest, I was born into a persecuted religion.  I’m used to being discounted for being in the minority.  Even when I revised my own personal spirituality I was criticized by many, and so I try to avoid even thinking about religion (or my own personal lack thereof).

I was born into a Jewish family.  Funny, when people hear that they automatically ask me which of my parents was Jewish.  They both are.  All of my grandparents are/were Jewish.  Most of my immediate family practices some form of Judaism.  We are a family that has always been proud of our faith and has tried very hard to keep it alive.   I am very proud of my heritage and feel that it is important to pass the culture of Judaism on to my children.  That being said, I’ll tell you right now that events in my life, and my own skeptical nature have led me to the personal conclusion that there very likely is no God.  I could go into my line of reasoning and try to validate to you readers why this is so, but really, that is not my intent here.

Once I decided that monotheism was not my cup of tea, I looked into all sorts of religions; Hinduism, taoism, atheist, agnostic, wicca, Buddhist, you name it, I researched it.  Being somewhat of an academic minded person, I figured the best way to decide what I believed was to research all of my options.  I found that,while I can’t bring myself to believe in God, I have a hard time saying that I 100% don’t believe in any form of outside influence on life in general.  I don’t just mean for people either.  One thing that makes me believe that every creature on this planet is not so much mulch in the making is personalities.  People and animals have individual, distinct personalities and the intricacies of such a thing lead me to think that there is more to creatures in general than simple biological functioning.

What do I believe about the afterlife? What I know for a fact is that there are neurons in every single brain.  And those neurons fire electric impulses throughout the whole brain.  Electricity is energy and according to the laws of physics, energy cannot be destroyed, so the electricity in my brain, the energy that causes me to be me, can’t just end when my physical body does.  Maybe when I die my energy will disperse into the atmosphere.  Perhaps the next time I will resurface will be in the form of a lightening bolt in a thunderstorm over Bombay in 50 years.  I’m comfortable with that.  It means I won’t just be snuffed out, but it doesn’t fill my head with promises of paradise either.  It means I live for now, not some unprovable future reward.  I do good things for people in need for the satisfaction I get from altruism.  I have faith in myself and those who I love and who love me.  I can worship anywhere; the woods, on my way to work, in a church, a synagogue, an altar.

Do you hate me yet?

I hope not.  I respect all of you for who you are and your beliefs.  I hope you can do the same for me.  When I read a post about atheism and how horrible certain movies are for promoting it to children along with a lot of pro-Christian documentation along with it, I cringe.  I’m pretty close to being atheist.  My boyfriend is assuredly an atheist.  I don’t plan on raising my children with the belief in God.  When they ask me about death, I plan on telling them a similar version of what I told you.  I won’t have them say prayers, or grace, or anything involving beliefs that I don’t embrace myself.   Does that make me evil? Or damned to Hellfire (been there, done that…been damned that is, never actually seen Hellfire in person to my knowledge)?

I do plan on teaching my children about the culture in which I was raised.  I will explain to them the Jewish traditions and tell them some of the stories I heard as a child, but it will be as fairy tale, not fact.  I will make it a point to let them know that they have to have faith in themselves in order to even begin to have faith in anything else.  I will leave their options open and I will encourage them to respect others, despite any differences there might be.

I guess that’s about the best I can do.  And please, don’t be like me…do feel free to comment.  There is no judgment here.